Thursday 18 February 2016
The door opened and there it was. it was the massive NBA tryouts building it was the one chance to make professional so i need to try my hardest. so they made ten teems so the team and i sat up and got on the bace line i was senator for are team so i had to do jump ball i jump as high as i could just tapping the ball to are side so we had first ball. i got a pass from randy i shot fake pass to steave and he scores then we score and win but we had to play seven more one shot games.
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You have a lot of i's in it and they have to be capitals. you need a lot of capitals. You should know this.
ReplyDeleteLike Expired Milk said, you need to capitalize your I's. Also, peoples' names should start with a capital, because it is a proper noun. Example: Randy and Steve.
ReplyDeleteYour story was a little bit confusing for me, but that just be me not understanding basketball as much as you. I think you are switching between past and present tense in your story, so you might want to check up on that.
I think the prompt is should be on the middle of your story. And like they said capitalize the first words on every line.
ReplyDeleteYour i's need to be capitalized and your story is kind of jumbled.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to listen to the feedback from your peers. You are missing many capitals. Also, you have 3 sentences that tell your entire story. Consider revising and edit after you have written your first draft to make your story stronger. Did you read this out loud to yourself or someone else?
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