Wednesday 24 February 2016

I was on the swimming team and I was going top my first race. I was not likely going to win and I was really nerves but I was also exited. I jumped in the water and got ready we all got into a line and the we went off I was swimming as hard as a dancer dances in a compatishon I was trying my hardest me and this other guy where neke and neke. We where just about to tie and then I past gas and got a boost and won I was really happy but the pool turned green and that was expencive.
Posted by at

3 comments:

  1. jjmonkey24 February 2016 at 21:37

    You have to capitalize your I's and you missed spelled some words like competition, neck and neck and expensive. but great use of the words.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Negative Zero25 February 2016 at 22:31

    I think you used too many I's and just be careful about your spelling. I think your third line is a bit long but good job in your story this week.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Unknown27 February 2016 at 13:19

    Good job going back and fixing your capitals. Be sure to use the feedback given to you by your peers as there are some other good suggestions to help improve your writing. It is also helpful to read your story out loud to a peer or an adult as you will pick up on sentences that need some revision.

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)