The red hot blazing fire was ruining every thing but I need to get out. The door was blocked with the fire but I still have a porch the fire men where waiting there I ran threw the fire just making it before I was surrounded with fire I was on the porch and the fire fighter said
"I can only take one"
"take the baby"
but the another fire fighter herd and rushed over and grabbed her and got to safety then the balding bursted up in flames and the fire fighter said"insurance will cover that".
There has to be a comma or a period after porch and also the word where is misspelled it is supposed to be were. There is supposed to be a period after fire to. This story is good but it is a little bit like a list and it has a lot of I's in it. But great idea though
ReplyDeleteYour story is good but you need some commas and maybe take some fire out because there are some parts where it is not needed.
ReplyDeleteYour first sentence starts off really strong grabbing the readers attention but pay attention to your tense. For example you use the ruining which is past tense then you use the word need which is present tense. Also, be sure to take the time to edit your story paying close attention to punctuation. THere are many run-on sentences and spelling mistakes.
ReplyDelete