“Catch” said Jimmy Bond.
Throwing his lightsaber to randy “I don't think this will work against the enemies its plastic”
Responded Randy.
“Don't worry”.
“Well they have guns and I have a cheap piece of plastic and why do you get a gun and I don't”.
“ Cause your randy" said.
“ Well you're a hamster”.
“Fine take it but don't shoot it yet”.
But then two enemies said “hey what are you doing over there”.
Then Randy shot “this shoots nerf bullets" said Randy.
“So still shoot”.
“It can't even get in Range”.
You are missing a lot of punctuation and capitals. Also when you star a new line and say your part you don't put another line to say who it is from. Cool story though
ReplyDeleteYour sentences are kinda choppy and there is not much explanation to what's happening with everything. But nice story I like the humour in it.
ReplyDeleteRandy needs to be capitalized, and you need a comma after catch in the first word. Remember to keep your punctuation inside the quotation marks, and put a comma before you say which character is speaking. Responded Randy does not have to be on a seperate line as the speaking. You have a lot of punctuation and grammer errors, and you don't capitalize things you are supposed to, instead you capitalize random words. You should know this. I like the humor in it, and also how you include yourself, Randy, in almost all your stories.
ReplyDeleteJust be careful with your punctuations. Im just confused on what are they doing because I'm not sure if they're just playing. Good job in your story !
ReplyDeleteMuch better this week on having the beginning of sentences capitalized. I see that you used some of the feedback from your peers and put in some capitals were they belong. Much of the feedback is really helpful in improving your story. Don't forget all names are capitalized. Now you need to work on the end punctuation after someone speaks. Don't forget to read your story out loud to someone else as it will help you clear up confusing sentences making your story flow better.
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