christmas box
I ran down stairs and saw all the presents under the tree it was christmas! But I had to wait for my parents waiting eagerly I wanted to open a present so bad but had to wait. But after 5 minutes I ran upstairs and woke my family up and made them come down stairs and I grab a present and I put my hand in the box and felt a new basketball.
Christmas is supposed to be capitalized, and the first sentence is a bit jumbled. Maybe you could say "It was Christmas morning, and I ran down the stairs to see the pile of presents under the tree!" or something like that. Remember to capitalize your I's, and I think you could take out the first part of that sentence. Maybe you could start with "Waiting eagerly, I wanted to open a present so badly, but I had to wait for my parents" The last sentence is a bit long and maybe you could make it multiple sentences instead.
ReplyDeleteYour story is interesting, and it is also different than the other ones I have read. Maybe you could put a plot twist at the end to make it more interesting.
Nice story maybe add a little detail and emotion but overall nice story.
ReplyDeleteI think you should add something on your first sentence to make your sentence stronger. You need to capitalize the I on your second sentence. I also think that your second sentence is a bit long but your story was good.
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