Wednesday 18 May 2016
I swam in my orange pajamas thinking I was fine the silence was nice cause I was not use to it because the hous was haunted by a chicken but later on, while I was sleeping thunder stroke. I woke up on a have and the chicken was right beside me. Screaming I was terrified! He was evil, with his white feathers and red beak, I thought it was my last day in the house and I ran down the hall as the chicken chased after me. Cluck. Cluck. Cluck. Then he got me...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
when you said "thunder stroke" you meant thunder struck and before "while I was sleeping" you should have a period.
ReplyDeleteI think your sentence is too long and I think you could fix it by using different sentence lengths. I was confused on most of the parts so maybe you could make it smoother. Also, be careful with your spelling and punctuations. For the spelling you need to change hous to house. And for the punctuations, you need to put commas on some parts.
ReplyDeletei think you mean thunder struck also you have to make the 100 wc words bold or coloured but great story
ReplyDeleteYour first two sentences is like the whole story. you can fix that up by splitting them into different groops. I like how you added all that humur in your story. you spelled house wrong after you said that the house was huanted you spelled it like hous. You have a couple good commas in there though. Great story!
ReplyDeleteYou also need to write the 100wc words in BOLD or colour
ReplyDelete