I was going on a hike with family so we jumped in the car and took off when we got there we had to take a gondola up to start hiking so I jumped in and then the ground suddenly started to shake I was petcharafid I jumped out of the gondala hit the floor then woke up .
You missed a period in between off and when. I only see 2 periods. And what is petcharafied? Also you respect your story a lot.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to work on dividing your sentences because its too long. Maybe you can change the first line like, 'It was an exciting day with my family' or something stronger. I'm just not sure what do you mean by petcharafid. Good job on your story this week.
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