Week 19
"My favourite day is today" I said exited!
Oh how I love my birthday: the cake, the presents and my family. We had my family over for dinner. My mom made her amazing barbecue chicken, one of my favourite things she makes. When we finished, it was time for cake as the flame flickered and then went out I wished for a million dollars, then when I was sleeping, money started coming out of the floor and started growing and growing.
I like your story. You misspelled excited on your first line. Also, I don't understand why you wished for something. That doesn't really flow with the story. Also, every time a new person speaks, you need a new line. You have a very creative story though.
ReplyDeleteYou spelt excited wrong when you said "i said excited" also maybe change money started coming out of the floor and started growing and growing maybe say money started flowing from the floor and wouldn't stop. but nice story i like your ending.
ReplyDeleteGood try of adding in commas but you have a few non-needed. I think you misplaced some with commas when they were supposed to be periods.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could change 'excited' into excitedly. Always be careful on putting your punctuations. For your last sentence, I think it became too long so you should put periods to separate your sentences. I also like the theme of your story.
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